5 min writing ramble:

What would I say to a seventeen year old Kate? Enjoy every imaginative journey your mind takes you on, listen to music for hours and dream. Look on the world with kinder eyes. This time owes you nothing. Dream about the future. Learn to accept the past and your choices,
nothing you can do about it now.
I can't be a failure, I never paid too much attention to reality growing up.
So I had no expectations.
Growing older... my heart has not grown colder. I hear it does, the jade's roots are deep and scarred. The heart seems to be softer. I wish I could use it to forgive myself for every little thing I didn't do and accept what has been done.

Peace. I'm not used to peace. I strive for it but choose to ignore when the mind screams for surrender. I'm at war. Its been a long war, cold and dark... loud and confusing... insanity that bores me. There seems to be a victory on the horizon. Anger satisfied and the blood, bones and ghosts drip from the fingertips. Black thick tar that is smooth to the fingers, a warm blanket of revenge. Peace seemed to have no home here. The two vixens, demons of the self obsessed mind have been judged, one to remain the other to be executed out of the heart. I received an apology from vixen B and the relationship is being repaired. Much like the Kia, never to its former glory, but perhaps all matter ages that way. Now I just needed vixen A to exit. In the shadow of piece I ended it. I removed anyway that door could be shoved open, and obsessed about. I will always honour the past shared with the pair, but destroy the future. Laid to rest in the manic graveyard, lost to interpretation of the soul. Whew.

This feels good.

I forgive myself for borrowing.. I forgive myself for falling for a soulmate, not yet realizing the part she was supposed to play. I forgive me.

“now she sleeps with one eye open, but that's the price you pay” -Florence and the Machine.

Now what?

I miss the man named Sam. I long for the words that once comforted me in such a dark place. I've grown, will he ever know? Perhaps another soulmate? One that showed the beauty, and forced me to grow into a woman. And then gone to where he is supposed to be... safe. I owe him a part of who I am today. What we shared can never be compared. And my heart will not forget and will forever be thankful. We are safe now, tucked into our worlds. Peace.