Friday, April 17, 2009


Drove to the ferries with The Miss today...
felt really good on the drive home.
Sun out, water.. sky.. green... amazing.

Its been awhile since I've been able to think fondly of times past. Today I told a story about the “soulmate”, and I didn't feel angry. I smiled in memory of the summer I was a child again. I don't want to comprehend the cause, or where some of those actions led me.. I was a child, everything was a wonder.. the fancy of thoughts and the absence of reality. They call it a manic state, sure I'll buy that. But I won't give up what I learned, what I experienced.. and the times of absolute comfort with another. Everyone should have a soulmate for a brief flicker in time.. I don't think they are meant to stay. Like a fire it ignites but is quick to burn out... and hurt remains the longer you stand there.. waiting for a flicker, a sign of life. But do have one, at least once in life.

Every lyric in a song had this great meaning, and somehow we always twisted it to fit ourselves. Talk of standing on a cliff, ready to destroy those in our way. Our palms ignite and our enemies vanquished. Fates controlled us. They flicked their beads and we set off to pick them up. Gifts from the gods, little glass beads. We were children. Ninja shoes... park people and bears.. oh my...

Soul mates last for a flicker in time, waiting for the next life where these children will conquer the world once more.. only for a moment. Heterosexual life partners journey apart for just a moment but spend a lifetime telling each other their stories over and over again, never tiring to hear about such adventures. Both are so important to ones life, but only the strongest survive.



"You can keep my things, they've come to take me home"
-Peter Gabriel

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I wrote something today.
Something that I couldn't have written till now.
And its over.


Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me

Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity
And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally

And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

Overweight - Blue October

Thursday, April 02, 2009



"In letting go I am so proud of what I've done" - Blue October