Today Calghoun died.

Jan 2001 - Monday August 27th 2007

The Hounie is sick...


please be ok my little man...

So I am sitting here in Chealis, same campground, same feel. Almost the same. Missing a heterosexual life partner and soulmate, among other things. Yet I can still feel the calm. Were the bugs so bad last year? Or am I hypersensitive from the “good for you” drugs. I have a little green fairy in the lovenest, cursing my name for taking her on this trip. A man from the campground across the way just invited me to his little party, complete with fire. I may go, not too sure yet. Is it ridiculous fear that holds me to the cold cement picnic table, or do I truly want this precious little time for myself. I wish I could go, say hi and leave as to not come across, rude.

It grows darker. And my fire is not lit. I am not cold.

I've been thinking about a man named Sam quite a bit. We are not as close as we once were. Sorry I should say physically close. I don't think you can ever undo what has already been done. And Sam and I will always be close. A thought or a memory is all we may be allowed, a quick email of “miss you”. And to have even that beings contentment. My dear Sam where I left him... I do so hope he is safe, for we haven't been able to share enough words lately. I miss how indestructible I felt around this Sam character, purely selfish reason. I miss making such an impact in his life.

We have grown...grown up... succumbed to the lives the fates drew out for us. The life beads clicking endlessly, while the mistresses cackle away at their cleverness.

Look at us all....

damn their good.

So what have I been up to? Not much, I have grown dull. Or at least feel dull. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It allows time.

I think I need some time.

Time to put up...and you all know the rest.

Its time to find that muse again...

Thank you Soulmate, I had almost forgotten...