Sometimes letting people know your feelings doesn't really satisfy the soul. Sometimes you have to sit back and watch. And most importantly..learn. Whats the point of bitching and complaning about the way things are...just be quiet and you get to see...it all. When you don't say a word you learn where peoples hearts are, what part you play in their life.

Quit being such a pansy Kate, the world owes you nothing. Your shit ass luck doesn't fall on others, they are not responsible for your support. And just because you think the world of people doesn't mean they think the world of you. Stand on your own, because thats all you have.

Lesson learned..thank you...hopefully this time it sticks.

I only worry if I hold these thoughts in, will the nightmares continue...

I am haunted of late...

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity" - Edgar Allan Poe

She sent me a green fairy to chase....

Well it is 6:18..according to my mother, now its my bday. 30. I've always thought that you had to grow up when you hit that magic number. Yet my heart isn't ready yet and my mind is fighting the idea of age. I really don't have any worries or concerns about being 30, I just think I HAVE to be bothered with it.

How I'm going to remember by bday?

I'm poor, my cats dead and NOW I'm 30.

I sit here tonight and make some difficult choices. Its time to grow up, just not too much. I have a disfunctional relationship with a beaner, and I am choosing to end it. Its taken a long time, we have been through a lot in our 9 years, and we have looked past alot of our faults. But this time I'm exhausted. I just don't think I want to keep going, I'm tired. And its much cleaner, leaving now.

This decision eats at my heart, and this is how I know I've made a right decison. Nightmares have followed, mocking me. I choose to take this power away...

So this is goodbye. Goodbye to old friends ..to old apartments...to old ways...

"All the things your looking for I hope you find, before your footprints are swept away by the tide..." - Sam Roberts