What do you do when you feel the last breaths of hope? As I fill my body with the air around me, it feels tired. I have nothing in my life in which hope is really needed. I have no sick family members, I'm not in jeopardy of losing my life or job. I am not homeless, I am not a drug addict or alcoholic.

SO what are these tired breaths? What is this calm feeling of...nothing. A reaction to being a woman? Perhaps the changes the last 7 months finally catching up to me. I realize I allowed so much drama, I needed to. After feeling dead for a few years, it was like a shot in the arm. Awake!! Too much drama, but it lead me to now..to me. I can't ever regret that.

I want to live for my moment. I have been given this chance to replay certain parts of my life. To find myself, to find my equal, to find my soul.

And today as I sit in my sterile lab, all I can think as I walk the plain bright halls is, "the point? What is it?" There are things that I wish for, selfish and unselfish. I have removed myself from the real world, old friends abandoned. I was told to rekindle them, let others know I need them.

If I said nothing seems real to me, would you understand what I meant my friend?