“I am fortunes fool” - Shakespere

I am back in a place, a physical location I never thought I would set foot in again. There is a little girl there that has never been able to let go, to forgive or move on. I need to hug her and tell her all will be ok. She doesn’t need to stick around anymore.

Cruelty was the lesson this place taught me. A hard lesson to grow up with. Dark memories surrounded by light haunt me there. I had an ok childhood, I’m learning to appreciate it the older I get. But those lessons have stayed with me for 29 years. I’m here now to let go, and let it be.

This place has remained cruel. I thought after 12 years, things might have changed. Sad to say I received another lesson in cruelty. But I have come here for a reason, to let the ghosts go, to stop the nightmares of the last week. So even if I must face the demons, I will do so with a smile.

I went to my old school, a place that breeds intolerance. I found my first cave, a small wedge behind an orange door leading up the hallway to the second grade classrooms. I never expected to ever see it again. The place where not a person came looking and my world was small and dark. A safe place for me at the time. It was hard to glance at it again, seeing the little girl sitting in there. It was suggested to ask her to come out and give her a hug. I’m trying so hard, but the poison was surrounding me.

There are all sorts of cruelty in this world, and luckily I haven’t had to face most of it. But the lessons taught this weekend are hard, and faith is nowhere to be found. I was still alone in this city, followed by ghosts and attacked by “truths”. Or lack of them. Thank you to my protectors.

My eyes can’t produce tears anymore. They want to, they want to morn the past and the present. I want to scream and yell, hit and punch. Giving up all I worked on the last little while is difficult and I feel my stomach failing me. I’ve always prided myself in seeing the beauty, but cruelty shadows it.

Perhaps not the best idea to come here, I’ve lost more than I could have imagined. Perhaps beauty is not all its cracked up to be…

Sleep has not come yet, nor do I expect it knocking on my door anytime soon. One day I will sleep…