A good ol’fashioned Timbit’ing.

A term I hadn’t heard since becoming this “adult” that I supposedly am. A childish way of revenge. Peg the person that pisses you off with the innocence of the “bite size donut”. The powdery cream filled bits always seem to make the most impact, or so I was told. Never was a part of a drive by timbit’ing, nor did I truly believe the existence of these Timmy terrorists.

I shared this piece of useless knowledge with my soul mate; she absolutely had to start her “shit list”, of those that deserved said timbit’ing.

When I get mad
And I get pissed
I grab my pen
And I write out a list
Of all the people
That won't be missed
You've made my shitlist – L7 (Natural Born Killers Soundtrack)

“If you see this woman…run”


With that said, the previous drama had come to a head. A showdown…took back my control and respect, made my prairie charmer my dear friend again. And that “relationship” is finally working in the right direction.

An adventure is-a stirrin in the air. My protectors allowed me to appreciate my home again, the cruelty stopped after a most amazing day in the park. My soul mate and I following the shade of the tree, leaving bum prints in the fresh grass and creating tiny nests made out of pulled blades. Five hours of letting things go, just bringing that little girl out from behind the doors and inviting her to a “park sit”. Speechless is how that day left me.

The smells of my childhood came rushing back and they were wonderful. Looking at this place again, wondering if it could hold a future for me. Reconnecting with it, just for awhile, seeing what happens. A move out there? Yes, and with my fellow adventurers, it is bringing all I love here, with me. My heterosexual life partner, excited at the idea…wanting to leave BC now. My soul mate and our protector, creating a safe place for all of us to play. How could I pass this up?

I had ceased making contact with anyone new from the internet, not really in the same “frame of mind” I once was in May. But on a quick journey back to cyberspace, I ended up coming across…well another from my home town. A curious fellow filled with jokes about muffins and oozing the sass that excites me so.

A strange conversation and even stranger offers.
But the strangest part, it didn’t feel so strange at all.

Interesting thought on the blogs to come…

*REVAMP OF BLOG*

Now it has come to my attention that some may have been only warranted a small portion of this blog and would like it to be rectified...

"P****** says:
i was thinking something more along the lines of...

Kate says:
oh i can't wait

P****** says:
I had ceased making contact with anyone new from the internet, not really in the same “frame of mind” I once was in May. But on a quick journey back to cyberspace, I ended up coming across…the greatest human being to ever grace mankind with his presence."

And then segue into..."An intriguing and mysterious fellow full of witty, urbane and sophisticated jokes, oozing the pure sexuality that excites me so"
Followed by..."A strangely entertaining and completely captivating conversation followed, full of compelling insights and enticing offers."

Closing with..."I feel that the earth moved...the ground quaked...my womanhood begged to be taken...I have met HIM...my Yahweh...my God...I am His chosen one!"

Something like that..."

And so the blog ends....with a wicked grin on my face.

And you open the door and you step inside
We're inside our hearts
Now imagine your pain is a white ball of healing light
That's right your pain, the pain of self is a white ball of healing light

I don't think so

This is your life
Good to the last drop
Doesn't get any better then this
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

This isn't a seminar and this isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like

Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything
Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart

This is your life...
It doens't get any better then this
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing all dancing crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car your drive
You are not your fucking khakis

You have to give up
You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you you know that, you are useless

I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever art
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may

This is your life...
It doesn't get any better then this

This is your life...
And it's ending one minute at a time

You have to give up

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can"

Welcome to fight club...

If this is your first night...

You have to fight.

Tyler Durden

I shot my third wedding this past Saturday. Hmm not too sure if I’m really comfortable yet. All those family members, distraught brides, impatient guests and more importantly the bastards that shoot off their flash when I take a shot. Say with me, “I will not use my cheap ass camera when the photographer is shooting a wedding”. Please spread that around.

This wedding location was down in the good ol USA. The bride and groom from Canada but the family are south of the border. And unfortunately I would have had a hard time being able to work down there. So I figured I would just say I was heading down to a mall about an hour away. Just a little white lie. So my heterosexual life partner a.k.a. photography assistant for the day, set out for what was going to be a long day.

Sept 11 is just around the corner so the border was on high alert. We had a bomb-sniffing dog making his way around our car. Sitting in our seats, trying to not look terrorist like…wondering what would you do if you heard the dog bark or whine.

After the long wait, inching closer to the gates, we found ourselves faced with a guard that takes his job really seriously. We passed over our passports and id, and he asked us our destination. I recited my well thought out fib and waited to be told to “carry on”. The middle aged guard looked at our id and said “what does the US have that Canada didn’t?” I wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, so I unfortunately said the first thing that came to mind. “Interesting shops?”, with my voice raising higher at the end, just to punch in the sass. Opps. I was met with a sideways scowl from my very frightening border guard. He shook his head, without a trace of a smile and looked closer at out ID’s.
He flipped my heterosexual life partner’s ID over and she had a list of any prescription drugs she is currently on…for emergencies. He looks at her, and she states in her best, I’m really friendly please don’t anally search us, voice. “Its for if I get in an accident and the hospital needs to know what I’m on”. A piece of advice I bestowed on her after seeing all the horror stories in the trauma room.
He let us go through with a look of complete annoyance and a hope never to see these two Canadians again.

The wedding went off without a hitch, cloudy, threatening rain, but not a drop to spoil the ceremony. And then we went to a park for the professional shots, and it poured. Not just poured, more like the small drops falling rapidly leading to a full soaking. The bridal party looking like drowned rats after 10 minutes standing around playground equipment. My main camera decided to kill its battery and my spare…dead from sitting too long. We made a decision to head back to the reception and figure it out there.

We did the shots in a fantastic backyard next door. The bride releasing the look of horror on her face, the smile returning. I was a pro, while inside I wanted to run down the street, screaming, and camera falling to the ground. But I finished the job and enjoyed this funny group of people celebrating, loving every “flowing champagne” moment. From the magical fountains that flowed chocolate to the thievery of a party favour, it was a good night made more memorable by the interesting events.



We tried to find our way back out of the “children of the corn” territory to the safety of our country. As we were stopped at out border, Canada only a foot away, we had to say that we were at a mall for 9 hours and our total amount of purchases? Zero. We were not surprised to hear the guard say “please turn off your engine and open your trunk”. She rifled through the camera bag and proceeded to tell me she could impound the whole lot. I didn’t register it coming through so there is no way to prove its mine. One would think the dings and general usage marks might be a clue. But I had learned my lesson, pissing off a border cop…not a great idea. I smiled and felt my stomach churning; wondering when exactly is it appropriate to soil myself.
She let us pass, with a warning not to bring my camera across again.

The day a long one, glad its done. The work just beginning on the computer, giving the pictures a special edge. The art and inspiration flowing to create a hopefully amazing photograph.

To my protectors...who have brought me home.

"It's only after you've lost everything your free to do anything".

Thank you

Climbing up on solsbury hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night

He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice

I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart was going boom boom, boom
Son, he said, grab your things, Ive come to take you home.

To keeping silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut

So I went from day to day
Tho my life was in a rut
till I thought of what Id say
Which connection I should cut

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart was going boom boom boom
Hey, he said, grab your things, Ive come to take you home.
Yeah back home

When illusion spin her net
Im never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free

Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Today I dont need a replacement
Ill tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart was going boom boom boom
Hey, I said, you can keep my things, theyve come to take me home.

Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel

“I am fortunes fool” - Shakespere

I am back in a place, a physical location I never thought I would set foot in again. There is a little girl there that has never been able to let go, to forgive or move on. I need to hug her and tell her all will be ok. She doesn’t need to stick around anymore.

Cruelty was the lesson this place taught me. A hard lesson to grow up with. Dark memories surrounded by light haunt me there. I had an ok childhood, I’m learning to appreciate it the older I get. But those lessons have stayed with me for 29 years. I’m here now to let go, and let it be.

This place has remained cruel. I thought after 12 years, things might have changed. Sad to say I received another lesson in cruelty. But I have come here for a reason, to let the ghosts go, to stop the nightmares of the last week. So even if I must face the demons, I will do so with a smile.

I went to my old school, a place that breeds intolerance. I found my first cave, a small wedge behind an orange door leading up the hallway to the second grade classrooms. I never expected to ever see it again. The place where not a person came looking and my world was small and dark. A safe place for me at the time. It was hard to glance at it again, seeing the little girl sitting in there. It was suggested to ask her to come out and give her a hug. I’m trying so hard, but the poison was surrounding me.

There are all sorts of cruelty in this world, and luckily I haven’t had to face most of it. But the lessons taught this weekend are hard, and faith is nowhere to be found. I was still alone in this city, followed by ghosts and attacked by “truths”. Or lack of them. Thank you to my protectors.

My eyes can’t produce tears anymore. They want to, they want to morn the past and the present. I want to scream and yell, hit and punch. Giving up all I worked on the last little while is difficult and I feel my stomach failing me. I’ve always prided myself in seeing the beauty, but cruelty shadows it.

Perhaps not the best idea to come here, I’ve lost more than I could have imagined. Perhaps beauty is not all its cracked up to be…

Sleep has not come yet, nor do I expect it knocking on my door anytime soon. One day I will sleep…