Sitting here by the window watching the sun try to make an appearance, Sam Roberts playing and I'm enjoying a french vanilla. But my mind is jumbled, too many thoughts to work out and sort. I figure if I ramble here, it may help.

My drive is such, that if it is something important to me, I will stop at nothing to achieve it. I usually don't see anything wrong with it. It has gotten me as far as I am (and for those who know me, know it's been a long road). Where I seem to be running into problems, is expecting it from others.

This camping trip is becoming a bit of a nightmare. There are those of you who can't seem to come together for anything, and I don't know how to fix it. I wish I could make it all right again, but you can't keep putting me in the middle and expect me to make the decisions for you. I have some fighting friends which I'm afraid will never be able to mend the pain they caused each other.

All I ask for, is that my birthday is a great time with those I care about most in the world. For those who may be confused due to my extreme privacy issues, my birthday is June 8, and I think that takes care of the rest of the "EPI's". I don't expect the "princess" treatment on my birthday, but I also hoped I wouldn't have to make the tough decisions that could hurt someone.

When I think I'm not a "girly" girl, I fall into the trap. You allow butterflies to take over and you love the day of making yourself extra pretty. Those days where you pamper yourself, trying to make it look au natural. That's the trap I fell into. It makes it even harder when plans change and you can't explain yourself without sounding geeky! It's not often I fall into the trap, pretty easy going and I'm not prone to the "barbie" style, so this surprised me. And at the end you are left feeling silly, as you sit here writing your thoughts with your pampered hair.

Sometimes you have to throw your hands up and surrender. I have been distracted lately and not tending to the everyday things that need to be done (right James!). Allowing the trip to cause stress, I give up. I am going camping from the 8th or 9th to the 12th, I will be getting the overflow across the way. It is open to those who want to come, and for those who can't be in the same room together? Sort it out, I won't choose. It's your fight not mine.

The rain has come and my drink is finished.

Time to end the ramble.

A conclusion:

"Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed"